Identifying The Missing Element
It can be incredibly challenging, sometimes to know your sense of self and worth if you have been in a relationship for a while. However, a healthy relationship depends on us nurturing our self-worth especially while we are in a relationship.
I am a hopeless romantic so, I believe wholeheartedly in the beauty and power of romantic love. But I often witness how some individuals lose sight of their self-worth as they merge their lives with someone else’s. I have been there so no judgment here. It can be a delicate balance to maintain your identity when you’re part of a duo. So, why is self-worth so important in a romantic partnership?
In this article, we will explore the importance of nurturing our self-worth in all forms of relationships but with a main focus on being in a romantic relationship.
Your Sense of Worth Should Be Intrinsic
Though this article discusses cultivating self-worth in romantic relations, for me, one unforgettable moment was when I got up to answer the racial question of a young black lady like myself in an event organised by my company.
The question was – “How can a young black lady make herself heard and not be perceived as aggressive?”
As the only black lady on the organising committee, I could not help but step forward to respond by saying – “It’s a male-dominated industry and we cannot change the inequality but what we can do is believe in ourselves and know that if you find yourself in the same meeting room with others and you are not an administrative assistant, then you have a right to be there and to be heard. When it’s your time to speak you have got to believe in yourself and the value you bring. Your response and suggestions should be made with assertiveness but not rudeness. Don’t be overly polite and don’t apologise whenever you speak believe that you too matter.”
Acknowledging Yourself
As I stepped off the stage to the applause of the crowd, there was one clap that mattered most. It wasn’t my colleague’s. Don’t get me wrong, their support meant the world to me, but it was my own acknowledgement of my accomplishment and growth that truly made me swell with pride.
I haven’t always been confident about being myself and would never speak up in a gathering but I could see myself in this young lady and I thought if I were her I would love to hear from someone who looked like me in this industry.
I believe personal fulfilment should not play second fiddle to our relationships because we have worked to achieve this. In fact, maintaining our distinct personalities and knowing our value not only enriches our own lives but also adds depth and substance to the partnership we are nurturing.
Know Your Value as an Individual
Understanding your own worth in a relationship isn’t just about feeling good together; it’s about knowing you bring something special to the table no matter how it looks. It’s about recognizing that you’re not just an accessory to someone else’s life story, but a main character in your own narrative.
Invest In Yourself
I love baking so when I at one point baked so much and was getting better and better I started investing in more “sophisticated” equipment for my craft and before I knew it my partner surprised me with a Kitchen Aid machine I had been researching for a while. As I invested in myself and my passion my sense of worth grew and became evident also to my partner.
That decision added a new layer to who I am, and incredibly, it boosted my confidence, both within and outside my relationship. Suddenly, there was more of me to love and appreciate, for both my partner and myself.
Identify and Nurture Your Interests
The hobbies and interests that you nurture can become pillars of your self-esteem. When I took up baking, not only did it give me a sense of personal achievement, but my partner also recognized it as something that made me unique. This wasn’t about us, it was about me, and it stimulated a positive cycle of mutual respect and admiration.
Don’t Underestimate Your Interests
More than that, those same hobbies can lead to making new friends or deepening existing relationships without your partner, which is essential for a well-rounded life. I’ve found that when I have searched for information about my personal interests not only have I found the information but they have also led to new connections who share the same passion. It’s an incredible feeling to develop a community where you are valued for your individuality.
Each step you take in identifying and cultivating personal hobbies contributes to a strong sense of self. This, in turn, sets the stage for the delicate balance between independence and intimacy which is key to any healthy relationship.
Now, let’s explore the significance of independence in a relationship and how balancing personal growth with the needs of the partnership is essential.
Understanding Independence and Intimacy
Being independent is seen as a strength and this is encouraged in many aspects but sometimes we tend to lose ourselves when we are in a relationship thereby becoming very dependent on each other. However, being able to stay independent and still maintain a duo mindset is a delicate balance, of being able to be close to someone and still have the space to grow on your own. I found it crucial to remember that even as I share my life with someone, my dreams and aspirations still matter and deserve to be pursued.
Independence Doesn’t Mean Distance
Independence within a relationship is not about creating distance; it’s about nurturing your well-being and identity. This leads to a more robust partnership. I have experienced firsthand how setting boundaries has allowed me, and my partner, the room to breathe and develop individually. It has strengthened our connection and respect for one another.
For example, I recall a time when I needed to voice my need for alone time. My partner understood, and that healthy boundary reinforced the individual strengths we each bring to the table. It reminded us that our relationship is a partnership of two whole individuals, which is a solid foundation to build upon.
Practical Steps For Being Independent
Now, let’s talk practicality. You have to consciously choose to maintain your independence by committing to personal activities and social circles. I make sure to schedule regular catch-ups with friends and solo time for reading, journaling and baking some few things I adore, which energizes me and keeps my sense of self intact.
This personal space has been a motivation for open communication. Being able to converse freely about your individual needs is a sign of healthy self-worth, and it strengthens the bond you share with your significant other. Your relationship becomes a source of empowerment rather than a limit on who you are or who you can become.
How Open Dialogue Builds Self-Worth
In my experience, solid communication is the foundation of not just a strong relationship, but of strong sense of self-worth. When I learned to articulate my feelings clearly and hear my partner’s thoughts without prejudice, it was like unlocking a new level of intimacy and self-respect.
Open and honest dialogue means approaching each conversation with sincerity and a willingness to listen. It also involves assertiveness, which allows me to express my needs without trampling over those of my partner. An example that comes to mind is when I mustered the courage to discuss my career aspirations with my partner.
My fears of seeming too ambitious or self-centred were unfounded; instead, the conversation brought us closer, as it was rooted in mutual respect and understanding.
Listening Not Just Hearing Each Other
Having such conversations can sometimes be challenging, but they’re undeniably worthwhile. They don’t just resolve issues; they ensure that both parties feel heard and valued, which is essential for self-worth. The key is being willing to actually listen and understand.
I remember a time when addressing my need for more personal space seemed daunting because I was worried my partner would think I was losing interest but that was far from the truth. I was surprised that bringing this up created space for both of us to be vulnerable and, it led to a healthier relationship dynamic and an increased sense of autonomy for me.
Research has shown that clear, empathetic communication is linked to higher levels of relationship satisfaction. This satisfaction, in turn, is linked to better self-esteem because you know you are valued as your own person and as part of being a couple. It seems that when we feel understood by our partners, our own view of ourselves becomes more positive.
Another great aspect of open communication is that it provides the space to open up about our wins and failures. When I open up about what I’m proud of, and my partner does the same, we end up cheering each other on and creating an environment of enthusiasm and mutual respect.
Celebrating Each Other’s Successes
In any healthy relationship, the wins of one are the victories of both. I’ve come to understand that when my partner thrives, it doesn’t overshadow my own light or the value I bring to the relationship; it makes the whole relationship brighter. It’s a lesson that took me time to embrace, but it has since become a cornerstone of our partnership.
All Our Achievements Matter
I have had conversations with friends who had difficulty celebrating their partner’s wins and they couldn’t understand why they were joyous over such a small achievement. In my opinion, the celebrations should be for both the small and big wins because both situations build our sense of self. Engaging in my partner’s joy not only builds their self-worth but also mine, because we’re a team. The support we show each other tells us, ‘Your achievements matter to me because you matter to me.’
Celebrate the Small Wins
Even the smallest of successes warrant a celebration. Whether it’s mastering a new recipe or hitting a fitness goal, acknowledging these achievements can significantly boost both personal and relationship morale. I make it a point to celebrate these moments with some personal and thought-off. These acts of celebration need not be extravagant but having Acts of Service as a love language I will cook up or bake something special or write a cute note. It stirs a sense of achievement that’s tangible and deeply satisfying.
Through my own relationship, I’ve learned that cherishing each other’s triumphs, both big and minuscule, strengthens our bond and builds a foundation for mutual respect and admiration. This foundation is crucial for the lasting success of any relationship – and though it takes more than celebrating our wins to build a great and successful relationship, I am confident this plays a big role in that regard.
Cultivating Self-Love as the Foundation of Your Relationship
As I grow and in my self-worth journey I cannot stress enough how important it is for us to love ourselves more than anything regardless of our current circumstances. Not in a conceited way but genuine love for the person we are flaws and all. I’ve found that the strongest relationships are those where each person has a solid foundation of self-love.
Learning to Love on You
I’ve experienced this personally regarding past relationships where I didn’t have a good sense of self and love for myself, it reflected in the partners I chose and what I tolerated in the relationships. But as I have worked and keep on nurturing that part of myself I am also attracting better relationships and treatments. Loving ourselves helps us to be compassionate and understanding towards others. In a romantic relationship, when both partners have a great love for themselves they are able to form healthy attachments and individualism as well. A healthy sense of love for oneself is like a well-rooted tree that can provide shelter to others because it’s firmly planted in the ground itself. Your relationship can reach new levels of depth and fulfilment when you know how to care for and love yourself first.
Taking Care Of Yourself
Self-care practices, from daily gym sessions, and journaling to monthly solo dates have been constants in my life for a good while now. They serve as a reminder that I am a priority, and by dedicating time to my well-being, I am better equipped to contribute positively to my relationship.
Take Home Message
Learning to accept and love myself exactly as I am has been the foundation of my self-worth journey, which has helped me to nurture my sense of self in my relationships. Most importantly, the journey toward self-love has been transformative, not just for me, but also for my romantic bonds. It has allowed me to navigate the natural ebb and flow of partnership with resilience and grace.
The aspects of nurturing self-worth, mentioned in this article are not exhaustive but ones I have worked on. I am convinced that when you apply these self-care principles and tend to the other elements, you will experience a noticeable shift in your relationship, as it has done for mine.
Remembering that self-love is an ongoing journey we will need to adjust as we grow and evolve, and the same goes for our self-care routines. What works for me might not work for you, and that’s perfectly fine. The key is to find what makes you feel fulfilled and content as an individual within your relationship.
In the end, it’s about progress, not perfection. Give yourself the grace to grow and the space to breathe, knowing that in doing so, you’re not only becoming a better person but also a better partner. Start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can. Your self-worth is your superpower; so embrace who you are as you are now boldly, as you build a loving, supportive, and enriching life together.
I hope you found value in reading this article. I would love to hear your thoughts or questions kindly do share these in the comments. As we continue on this path of self-discovery and improvement, please subscribe to our newsletter and join the Self Worth Journal community to receive weekly inspiration and resources for your continuous growth.
Love & light
Sheila Daisy
