After years of coaching, I’ve come to realise that one thing that a lot of people-pleasers have in common is not being able to define the values to align with their true selves. The question I get asked a lot is – but how do I define my values? Well, ever wondered what guides your choices and behaviour? Or why some things get your blood boiling? These intangible forces are our values. Yes, the driving force that helps us define our true selves.
For a very long time in my life, I used to live after the perspectives of what I thought made other people happy or feel good. When I realised this was how I was living, through a coaching session, I began to understand why I acted in the ways I did but didn’t really feel super excited and in tune with most of the reasoning behind the actions.
Looking back, I know that I wasn’t really clear about what my values were so I wasn’t living in alignment with my true self. They are the compass that guides our actions and decisions in living an authentic life. Identifying and understanding these guiding principles is crucial not only to personal fulfilment but also to authenticity and integrity.
Values act as an inner GPS, helping navigate through life’s opportunities and challenges. When you are aligned with what you value most, life tends to feel more purposeful and satisfying. It’s about living in a way that resonates with your deepest beliefs and sense of self.
One of my strongest values is respect – regardless of who and what. Before I knew this to be a big one for me, I could get so frustrated and angry when people disrespected me, my loved ones and even strangers. Whenever I hear of bullying or discrimination I will be so furious and sometimes I couldn’t even understand why. But when I went through a defining your values test it all became clear to me how important this is to me.
In our ever-changing world where one sometimes needs to keep up with Joneses, pressures can sway your paths in countless directions, and if we are not careful we just roll with the masses in this light the importance of having a firm grasp on your own values becomes clear. By aligning actions and choices with these personal tenets, we’re more likely to experience a sense of harmony and contentment.
That alignment is exactly what we’re aiming to master so let’s explore two essential qualities that aid in this by addressing the question – what lies at the core of your being and how to ensure that every step you take is a step in the right direction. Let’s begin with a deep dive into how to uncover the core values that define the authentic ‘you’.
Uncovering Your Core Values
Identifying your core values can feel like trying to describe the flavour of water – essential but often overlooked. Your values are the principles that underpin your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. They are the compass that guides your behaviour and life choices and most of the time it’s not that apparent to us unless we have self-awareness. So, how do you pinpoint these deep-seated drivers?
- As a start, reflect on moments in your life that brought you pure joy or profound satisfaction. These highlight what you naturally gravitate towards. Conversely, consider the times you felt let down or deeply frustrated – your values were likely compromised here. Differentiating values that are genuinely yours from those you’ve inherited from family, society, or cultural norms is crucial. To understand which are truly yours from the inherited, create a list of values that resonate with you, then probe each one by asking why it matters. If the reason connects to external approval or obligation, it might not be a core value.
- Introspection is another defining tool for uncovering your core values. Quiet moments of self-reflection allow thoughts and priorities to surface without the noise of the world’s expectations. Journaling, meditative practices, or open conversations with trusted individuals can serve as conduits to deeper understanding.
- Lastly, be prepared for this to be an evolving process. Your core values may shift as you grow and experience life. It’s about finding the themes that consistently represent who you are at your core. Once these values are clear, you’re set to tap into their power to enhance your life, which is precisely what we will explore in the next section.
The Benefits of Values Alignment
Whenever I realise that I am acting and responding in accordance with my core values, the world around me seems to click into place. This isn’t a coincidence because living in harmony with our values has tangible benefits that touch every facet of our existence. If you’re spiritual you’ll probably know of the path of least resistance that’s how living your values feels like.
One of the most immediate impacts of values alignment is on decision-making. Life is a constant stream of choices, from the mundane to the life-changing. When I understand my core values, my choices become clearer. I’m not just picking an option; I’m selecting the path that best reflects who I am and what I believe in. This clarity transforms the sometimes overwhelming uncertainty of decisions into confident expressions of my identity.
And it’s not just about me. This clarity radiates outward, improving my relationships. Whether it’s with friends, family, or colleagues, knowing my values allows me to communicate my needs and understandings more effectively. The personal authenticity that comes from this often inspires respect and mutual understanding, fostering deeper, more meaningful connections.
There’s also an inner peace that comes from values alignment. The nagging doubts that come from living at odds with personal convictions can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. In contrast, when my actions mirror my beliefs, I feel a powerful sense of congruence, which significantly boosts my overall well-being and sense of purpose.
Now how do we maintain this alignment in a world that isn’t always in sync with individual values and how do we discover ways to navigate these sometimes treacherous waters?
Working through Conflicts with Values Alignment
as much as I love the fact that we are all different and have different values one thing is for sure, you can’t avoid encountering situations where your personal values clash with those of your environment. I know it’s tough, but sticking to your unique values is critical, even when it feels like you’re swimming against the current.
When faced with a conflict, it helps to remember why those values matter to you. They’re the compass that guides you, and staying true to them is non-negotiable for your integrity. You might be tempted to give in just to avoid conflict, but the cost is too great when it comes to your sense of self.
Setting boundaries is essential in these situations. Clearly communicate your limits and why they’re important to you. Others may not always agree, but establishing these boundaries is a fundamental aspect of self-respect and personal alignment.
I remember that before I was really clear about my values, I’d say yes to every request made by my friends even if I had a lot going on. I just wanted to belong and so I lived their values but the first day I was able to say NO was my breakthrough. It was tough but my coach urged me to continue practicing and to stay firm when I prioritized my values.
Suppose your workplace demands overtime, but family is a core value to you, and you prize work-life balance. It’s important to respectfully push back and suggest alternative solutions that honour your time with family.
Contrarily, if a societal trend does not align with your values, it’s okay to stand apart. True strength often lies in not conforming to every facet of the status quo. Your choices might not always be popular, but they reflect who you are.
This might mean separating yourself from friends who do not share the same values or respect yours, it can be hard but your mental well-being is worth going the road alone. Finding like-minded individuals who respect and share similar values can significantly ease the burden of conflict. There’s strength in community, and mutual support is invaluable.
Through these conflicts, understand that it is your reaction that defines the outcome. work through these challenges with grace and reaffirm your core values, to ensure that you are always moving toward the life you envision for yourself.
Implementing Your Values into Daily Life
Once you’ve identified your core values, the next step is learning to live by them in your everyday life. It’s one thing to know what you stand for; it’s another to actively make choices that reflect those beliefs. Here, you’ll find a few practical suggestions to help your values take centre stage in your daily actions.
- Consider your morning routine, are health and vitality among your core values? Start your day with activities that honour those values, like a nutritious breakfast and a morning jog.
- If family is central to you, perhaps make it a point to have breakfast with your loved ones or drop your kids off at school. These actions reinforce the significance of your values right from the start of your day.
- At work, let your values guide your interactions and tasks. Valuing creativity? Make space for brainstorming sessions. If integrity is a core value, ensure transparency in your communications. While not all tasks will align perfectly with your values, aim for a balance that lets you feel authentic and fulfilled.
Building habits around your values doesn’t mean redesigning your life overnight; it’s about making small, intentional changes that accumulate over time. It’s the consistent, daily actions that build a life aligned with your true self.
As you adapt your goals, remember that they should stretch and inspire you, not merely reflect your current capabilities or circumstances. Let your values inform your aspirations, creating targets for personal and professional growth that resonate deeply with WHO YOU ARE.
Maintaining Your Values Commitment
Your journey to live by your deeply held values is ongoing, and like any worthy pursuit, it requires dedication and periodic reassessment. To ensure you stay the course, it’s vital to routinely evaluate where you stand. This might involve reflection at set intervals – perhaps monthly or yearly – during which you revisit your values and consider how well your actions and decisions are aligning with them.
Life is unpredictable and full of changes that might test your commitment to your values. You may find yourself facing new situations or responsibilities that challenge you to prioritize differently. It’s critical in these moments to return to your core values and use them as your compass, adapting as necessary while holding to the essence of what is most important to you.
Take Home Message
Just as values can change as you grow and learn, so too can the ways in which you honour them. What matters is your commitment to self-concordance, ensuring the steps you take resonate with who you are and who you aspire to be. It’s about the integrity of your personal journey.
Remember, living in accordance with your values won’t always be easy. When you face obstacles, lean on your values to push through those challenges. The satisfaction of overcoming them will be all the greater because you did so staying true to yourself.
Now, I encourage you to keep your values close and let them guide you through the highs and lows. Carry out regular self-checks to ensure you’re on the right path – your right path, be adaptable, and use your values as a reliable source of direction and strength to help you live a life of authenticity, happiness, and deep personal fulfilment.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope it has been helpful and I would love to hear your experience so please share those in the comments or if you have a follow-up question kindly share that in the comments as well.
Love & Light
Sheila Daisy
