Self-esteem and self-worth are two very important concepts that help us, as individuals understand how we perceive and value ourselves and the quality of the relationships we form with others.
What is Self-esteem?
Self-esteem, often intertwined with terms like self-confidence, self-respect, self-belief, and self-concept, plays an important role in how we perceive ourselves and navigate life’s many challenges. It influences our motivation, self-care, and the ability to make healthier life choices, laying the foundation for not just our personal but academic and career achievements as well.
In understanding the depth of its power on our individuality and relationships we will look at how the unique elements of the following concepts – self-belief, self-respect and self-acceptance, play a role in our self-esteem.
I discovered the power of self-esteem when started my healing journey from years of feeling unworthy and thinking I needed to overcompensate in all areas to be liked and loved.
Learning to accept myself exactly as I am, standing firm in what I believe in and trusting in my judgement have been some of the most challenging experiences but at the same time the game changers in building my self-esteem.
I had to accept there are some things I couldn’t change about myself and though to the external world, these weren’t always the societal standards I learned to love them as part of myself and celebrate them as my blessed uniqueness. Accepting these things gave me some self-assurance that couldn’t be influenced by any external factor because, in the end, I accepted these as a strength.
With regards to relationships, understanding what self-esteem is, is crucial as it shapes our communication dynamics, self-compassion, and the boundaries we set with others, ultimately impacting our personal values and self-image.
As we explore the concept of self-esteem it is worth noting that self-acceptance and self-belief are fundamental in the journey towards cultivating a healthy self-esteem, which is marked by recognizing our real self and the intrinsic self-worth underlying our actions and choices.
Understanding Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Understanding the nuances between self-worth and self-esteem is pivotal in nurturing healthy relationships not only with others but with ourselves as well. Now let’s explain these concepts:
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
- Self-worth is an internal sense of one’s intrinsic value and worthiness of love and respect, unaffected by external circumstances or achievements.
- Self-esteem, on the other hand, is more fluid, often influenced by external factors such as accomplishments, physical appearance, and the approval of others.
Core Influences
- Self-worth is rooted in stable internal beliefs and generally remains constant over time. It precedes self-esteem and is crucial for healthy identity formation.
- Self-esteem fluctuates with mood, circumstances, and external validation. It reflects how one thinks and feels about oneself at any given time.
Impact on Relationships
- High self-esteem can predict relationship satisfaction, with individuals entering relationships with higher self-esteem experiencing less decline in happiness over time.
- Low self-esteem can lead to negative relationship dynamics, such as insecurity, jealousy, and settling for less than one deserves, due to a lack of self-worth.
These distinctions highlight the importance of nurturing both self-worth and self-esteem to enhance personal and relational well-being. So, having looked at some key concepts relating to self-esteem, let’s now explore a key component of cultivating self-worth.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Building Self-Worth
In our journey to understanding self-worth and its pivotal role in relationships, we encounter the transformative power of self-compassion.
My first deliberate encounter with practising self-compassion was a journaling session where I had to learn to forgive myself for the experiences I had had. It was a tough session coming to terms with my role in said experiences and not being able to say no or stand up for myself.
I remember being angry at myself but my coach urged me to look at my situation from the viewpoint of a dear friend being in my situation. From that perspective, I became more understanding and changed my inner conversation and tone.
For if I could be gentle and kind to a dear friend for experiencing what I had then I can also be kind and understanding to myself. Here’s how self-compassion acts as a cornerstone in building a robust sense of self-worth:
Practising Kindness Towards Oneself
Just as we would offer kindness and understanding to a close friend, self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same level of care during difficult times. This approach helps in recognizing our shared human imperfection and being mindful of our present experiences.
Cultivating Psychological Well-being
High levels of self-compassion are strongly linked with better mental health outcomes. It is associated with increased happiness, optimism, and a sense of connectedness, while simultaneously reducing anxiety, depression, and the fear of failure. Embracing self-compassion provides us with the emotional resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges more effectively.
Encouraging Personal Growth and Authenticity
Self-compassion promotes a growth mindset, encouraging us to see improvement as achievable. It minimizes negative self-talk and self-doubts, thereby fostering a more positive and balanced self-image. This not only leads to higher self-worth but also enhances our overall well-being. By recognizing that setbacks and failures are part of the human experience, self-compassion allows us to express our emotions without shame and take personal responsibility to make necessary changes in our lives.
Having self-compassion encourages a healthy relationship with ourselves. This relationship helps us look upon ourselves with understanding, so much so that we are able to accept who we truly are, stay true to our own values, and not be overly critical of ourselves and our shortcomings.
In addition to this self-compassion as an element of self-worth is very essential in our relations to others as we cannot avoid the fact that we will encounter situations where our sense of worth and self are tested.
The Impact of External Validation on Self-Worth
The search for external validation often stems from a deeper need for acceptance and affirmation, impacting our self-worth and how we navigate relationships. The way I experienced this was overcompensating with love, kindness and respect for others and neglecting myself.
I used to think if I loved very hard, or was overly giving then I would be liked and accepted but that was far from the truth. I experienced rejection and felt “used” by the relations I had. When my coach asked
“…do you think making everyone around you happy will make them happy and it will be enough?”
I remember my initial thought being – “Well yes.” but that wasn’t true for the more I gave of myself the more was expected because what I gave was never enough. I thought when others smiled or felt good when I’d gone the extra mile then that would also make me belong.
So, when we discussed I needed to start accepting and validating myself exactly as I am because until I learnt to validate my own worth I would always be searching for others’ approval of my need to be and this could be from a lot of different sources which weren’t always healthy.
Even though we normally think of external validation as being less accepted it can also set the stage for motivation and encouragement in one’s abilities.
Sources and Forms of External Validation
- Social media likes and compliments.
- Achievements and material possessions.
- Approval from caregivers during childhood sets the stage for future self-confidence.
Implications of External Validation
- Positive Aspects: Can boost self-esteem, provide a sense of belonging, and offer constructive feedback.
- Negative Aspects: Leads to dependency on others, making one vulnerable to manipulation, and may result in people-pleasing or narcissistic behaviours.
Overcoming Dependency on External Validation
Some of the strategies include cultivating self-awareness, and self-compassion, setting goals that are personal and not motivated by external influences, practicing mindfulness, and surrounding oneself with supportive people.
It is worth noting that recognizing the importance of balancing the need for external approval with cultivating an internal sense of self-worth is crucial. This balance supports healthier relationship dynamics and personal growth, allowing us to pursue opportunities and maintain better mental and physical well-being.
Understanding Self-Worth and Its Impact on Relationships
Understanding the key role of self-worth in relationships reveals a complex interplay between our internal sense of value and our external interactions. How we see and treat ourselves are mirrored back to us by how others treat us. Therefore we need to cultivate a sense of self that not only is apparent to us but also clearly demonstrated to our external world in our actions. Here’s a deeper look into how self-worth influences relationship dynamics:
Inherent Belief in One’s Value
- Self-worth is the intrinsic belief in one’s worthiness of love and belonging as such the type of company we are drawn to.
- Individuals with high self-worth are often better partners, characterized by approachability, security, and openness, which fosters deeper emotional and physical connections.
Predictors of Relationship Quality
- Our sense of self determines who we associate with. If we don’t feel worthy of being loved we tend to attract relationships where being “abused” – I use abused here loosely to cover all situations where one is treated less than they deserve.
- A healthy sense of self helps to make the right choices where we learn to prioritise our values and well-being over unproductive connections.
Impact of Family Dynamics
- The relationship between family functioning and self-esteem shows a significant correlation, with family aspirations strongly influencing self-esteem levels. This relationship can either help make or break one’s self-esteem.
- Negative family dynamics, such as a lack of independence or lack of support, can adversely affect one’s self-esteem and sense of self, underscoring the importance of healthy family environments in cultivating self-worth.
These insights emphasise the critical role of self-worth in shaping healthy, fulfilling relationships. By nurturing a strong sense of self-worth, we can enhance our relationship satisfaction, navigate challenges more effectively, and support a balanced dynamic with our partners.
Overcoming Common Barriers to Self-Worth in Relationships
Overcoming common barriers to self-worth in relationships involves both introspection and action. One of the best tools which has now become my all-time favourite to date is journaling. I have used and still use this daily and in different forms for introspection and learning.
Here are practical some steps to address these challenges:
Self-Empowerment
There is only so much a coach or therapist can help with if these conversations and the tools given are not being implemented. I remember my coach telling me once that the real sessions start when I am alone and have to put into practice what we’ve discussed.
I would do more research to help myself get to a better place by engaging with self-help resources, such as books or videos, to enhance my understanding and application of the self-worth principles.
I was also encouraged to practice self-reward and self-dating to enjoy and appreciate my own company, reinforcing my belief in my intrinsic value.
Behavioural Adjustments
Learning to take responsibility and listening are also important in nurturing a healthy relationship. Recognize and modify behaviours that undermine relationships, such as wanting to be right in all arguments, mindreading, blaming, or avoiding problems. These actions can escalate conflicts and erode mutual respect and understanding.
Rather than the above-mentioned, it’s healthier to work towards creating a space for trust and openness, where conversations can be had without judgment.
Personal Growth
Gone are the days when going to counselling, coaching and therapy sessions were stigmatised, these days if you are not seeking therapeutic guidance to heal from toxic shame or some sort of trauma rooted in childhood experiences, then you are refusing to create a space conducive for a healthy relationship.
Working with such professionals helps in understanding how these events influence current relationship dynamics. They also help us work to set healthy boundaries which might mean embracing assertiveness to express feelings and needs clearly, encouraging healthier communication with your partner.
In addition, if we learn to identify and live by our personal values and beliefs, and make decisions that align with them we are able to cultivate self-confidence and independence within relationships.
Positive Self-Dialogue
Start by accepting your current state and consciously shift how you talk to yourself, using affirmations and positive self-talk to build a nurturing internal environment. One of my favourite but challenging practices is the mirror affirmations practice. Visualize your potential and acknowledge your inherent qualities, making improvements in your life that reflect your true self-worth.
By addressing these barriers through a combination of self-reflection, behavioural change, and external support, we can significantly enhance their self-worth, resulting in healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Worth in Relationships
Cultivating self-worth within relationships is not just beneficial; it’s essential for sustaining healthy and fulfilling connections. By integrating practical steps into our daily lives, we can significantly enhance our self-esteem and, by extension, our relationship satisfaction. Here are actionable strategies to cultivate self-worth in relationships:
Personal Empowerment
- Focus on building self-confidence through self-improvement, goal setting, and living in the present. Think of doing it for yourself and what you want your future self to experience.
- Acknowledge and embrace both strengths and weaknesses, cultivating self-love.
Social Skills and Independence
- Enhance social interactions by practising conversation skills, maintaining eye contact, and standing up straight to project confidence.
- Maintain a healthy level of independence; the notion that one is lonely just because they are alone is false. It’s actually healthy to be in solitude sometimes just to recharge and rejuvenate. This also helps in getting to know ourselves better when we spend time with ourselves in the absence of others.
Relationship Dynamics:
- Practice honesty and openness in communication, setting and respecting boundaries.
- Engage in therapy if needed, as it can lead to greater relationship satisfaction for both partners or parties.
Remember, self-worth improvement benefits not only our personal well-being but also enhances our work, health, and overall mental and emotional health. By implementing these steps, we can build a foundation of self-worth that supports and enriches our relationships.
Conclusion and Moving Forward
In this article we have explored the concepts of self-esteem and self-worth and their immense influence on relationship dynamics, we’ve looked into the foundational aspects that contribute to healthy and fulfilling personal connections.
The distinction between self-worth and self-esteem, alongside the profound impact of self-compassion and overcoming the craving for external validation, underscores the necessity for a balanced self-perception.
This enhances our understanding and application of these principles and fortifies our relationships as well as significantly improving our overall sense of well-being. Recognizing the important role self-worth plays in shaping our interactions, it becomes evident that cultivating a positive sense of self while nurturing mutual respect and understanding within our relationships is indispensable.
By embracing the practical steps outlined for overcoming common barriers and actively working towards nurturing our self-worth, we position ourselves for a journey filled with growth, resilience, and enduring connections.
I hope this article has been helpful and if you have any comments or questions kindly do share these in the comments. As we continue on this path of self-discovery and improvement, please subscribe to our newsletter and join the Self Worth Journal community to receive weekly inspiration and resources for your continuous growth.
Love & Light
Sheila Daisy
