It Starts With You
There are several reasons why we might have low self-esteem when we are in a relationship and one thing I have learnt is that as important as it is to have your partner’s support it is not their duty to heal you of your low self-esteem. So, the question of how to improve low self-esteem in a relationship falls back on each individual – the self.
Though our self-esteem can be influenced by many things we are the only ones who can build and nurture it to our own likening and potential. Self-esteem is like a personal power source. It influences how we view ourselves and, in turn, how we interact with the world.
In essence, it’s our internal barometer for self-worth. With healthy self-esteem, we approach life head-on, confident in our ability to navigate challenges, including those in our relationships.
The Link Between Your Perception of Self and Connection With Others
Now, when talking about relationships, I’ve learnt there’s a deep connection between how I perceive myself and how I connect with others. For instance, if I struggle with low self-esteem, I might hold back, fearing criticism or rejection. That hesitation can create a ripple effect, causing tension and distance within my relationships.
Thinking back, I remember a time when the importance of self-esteem really hit home for me. I was caught in a cycle of overextending myself to be liked and loved, and it took a toll on my relationship. I seemed to be attracting the same issues only in different forms and I couldn’t seem to get out of the cycle. It wasn’t until I addressed these issues that I started seeing a positive shift. My atmosphere of insecurities slowly started to clear, and my relationship improved as I worked on my self-esteem.
The Power of Self-Love
One thing I learnt in order to work on building a good portion of self-esteem was the love for myself. It’s the cornerstone of how I feel about myself, and it holds heavy sway over my interactions with significant others. My personal journey of building self-esteem from the inside out has been greatly impacted by my self-love as well as incorporating self-care routines.
Building Self-esteem From Within
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that self-esteem blossoms from a deep root of self-love. Self-love for me has meant the practice of understanding and accepting my own worth and value. I’ve witnessed firsthand how this internal work fundamentally changes not just how I perceive myself, but also how I engage in relationships.
Start Small and With Things That Light You Up
Now, you might be wondering how one actually goes about reinforcing this foundation. Well, for me, it started with small, consistent acts of self-care. That could be ensuring I get enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, or setting aside time for activities that bring me joy. Taking time to find and indulge in things that lit my soul. Each act was a piece of the puzzle that built that foundation stronger.
Taking time for myself as I do in my morning rituals, has made me see a noteworthy shift in my self-confidence simply by starting my morning with a few moments of gratitude and reflection – it sets a positive tone for the day.
Self-Care Matters
Research consistently backs up the idea that self-care practices contribute to higher self-esteem. For example, a study published in the Journal of Health Psychology found that people who engaged in regular self-care reported better health, well-being, and self-esteem.
This brings to mind a time when a friend of mine was struggling with her self-image, I’d been there before so i suggested I’d be her buddy if she was willing to try out some of the self-care rituals I indulged in during my challenging time.
We decided to embark on a 30-day challenge where we each chose three self-care activities to perform daily. The list ranged from reading for pleasure to meditation, dancing, to simply taking a walk. As the days passed, both of us could feel the changes we were experiencing and though I was mainly doing it to support my friend I found that my sense of worth increased a lot as well.
We had more energy around and for each other and our conversations were now filled with more excitement for what we could discover next. That’s the tangible effect of self-care on self-esteem.
Finding What Resonates With You
Maybe you’re wondering how can start. Even though adopting a self-care routine is important self-care will look different for everyone so I encourage you to take some time for yourself and find the things you enjoy that nurture your soul.
It could be as simple as taking a five-minute break to stretch or bookending your day with a moment of quiet. These acts of kindness to yourself lay a foundation for improved self-perception and the confidence to bring your authentic self to your relationships.
Investing time and energy to cultivate this not only leads to better self-esteem but also stronger connections with others. A person who is secure and self-affirming is naturally more open, responsive, and empathetic in their interactions. This now brings us to how communication plays a vital role in cultivating self-esteem within a relationship.
Communicating Your Way to Better Self-esteem in Relationships
I have learnt that one of the most powerful tools in any relationship is communication and this is not just the verbal form. When you’re feeling down about yourself, the words and reassurances from your partner can make a world of difference.
Being Good at Communicating
Good communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about listening too. I learned to truly listen, not just to the words my partner said but to the meaning behind them and his body language as he expressed himself. By doing so, I understood their perspective and could feel he also appreciated the way and effort I put into listening to him.
This helped to strengthen both of our self-esteem because I knew there was someone who really saw and valued me and he knew there was someone who heard him. Reflecting on this I was reminded that no matter how personal this is, we’re not alone in our journey to better ourselves.
Create The Space For Open Communication
A friend of mine has a practice with her husband where they regularly sit down and discuss what they appreciate about each other. One day, she shared that this ritual made her realize her worth through her husband’s eyes. It was a mirror that reflected all her strengths and talents, many of which she hadn’t seen in herself.
If you’re struggling in silence with how you feel about yourself, speaking up can seem overwhelming. But consider this: your partner loves you for who you are. When you open up about your self-esteem, you’re inviting them to understand you better and, in turn, offer support that’s tailored to your needs.
Vulnerability is Strenght
I believe a genuine relationship is built on allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with each other and as scary as it may seem you might find that when you muster the courage to share that part of yourself your partner might also do the same.
Such conversations should be had in relationships where there is mutual respect, but if you find that opening up can be used against you then seek professional help. When there is mutual respect in the relationship, naturally, you realize how important it is to be supportive of each other. This leads us into the next part of building self-esteem in a relationship which is recognizing the vital role both partners play in nurturing each other’s self-worth.
Supporting Each Other in Nurturing Self-esteem
It’s often said that in a healthy relationship, partners act as mirrors to each other. I have experienced this being true when it comes to matters of self-esteem but it’s not just about reflecting. There’s a deeper co-participation in each other’s journey towards self-assurance.
Mutual Respect is Key
Each person within a relationship has a unique role in nurturing the other’s self-esteem. I remember working with a client who was struggling with confidence at work. I asked her to look at her personal relationships and identify one that nourishes her.
She said her partner always took the time to listen to her ideas and genuinely valued her opinions. This did wonders for her self-confidence, proving how a partner’s affirmation can uplift one’s own self-view.
You Can Ask For Support and Still Be Independent
Finding the balance between being supportive and cultivating independence can be challenging. A partner’s encouragement should never eclipse one’s journey of self-discovery. This can be a problem because by constantly seeking validation from your partner, you inadvertently placed your self-worth solely in their hands, which wasn’t healthy. Over time, I’ve learned that it’s crucial to cultivate my own self-esteem, while also appreciating the role a partner plays in reinforcing it.
Be Willing To Learn Together
Sharing life’s triumphs and tribulations with my partner, we’ve grown individually and as a couple. Like the time we both decided to make pasta from scratch – yes it’s the easiest thing if you have made it before but I hadn’t. I accepted the challenge and made the base we failed hilariously a couple of times till we got the mixture just right.
Rather than being disappointed and giving up, we laughed through it and the encouragement we gave each other to keep trying, the laughter, and the shared sense of accomplishment when we finally nailed a dish, all contributed to our mutual self-esteem.
In a relationship, both partners can serve as that gentle nudge towards becoming the best versions of themselves. It’s about being there to lift each other up when we stumble, and to cheer each other on, celebrating each small victory.
Conclusion: Cultivating Lifelong Self-esteem and Nourishing Your Relationship
When it comes to building and maintaining self-esteem within a relationship, the journey is continuous like any other personal growth activity. It means investing in yourself and each other with intention and kindness.
I’ve shared insights on nurturing self-worth, stressed the importance of communication, and highlighted the supportive role partners play.
Setting time aside for self-care is a very important aspect of building and nurturing our self-esteem. Start small and find what you enjoy as an individual. Accept that sometimes you will have to be your own cheerleader and other times your partner will be there to cheer you on.
Being open to communicate your needs where the environment allows for it and also being a good listener are key elements for nurturing self-esteem in a relationship.
As we end this article, I encourage you to take these insights I’ve offered and apply them in your relationship where applicable. Reflect on the changes you experience and keep the dialogue open with your partner. Always remember that self-esteem thrives in an environment where love, respect, and support are abundant.
Are you ready to take the next step? I would love for you to join our newsletter to receive tips and resources every week to help you on your journey. If you want personalised accountability do reach out to me.
Wishing you all the best.
Love & light
Sheila Daisy
