My last breakup was what sent me seeking my coach because after that experience I felt empty, had no self-confidence, no self-respect and no sense of self. At that time I felt like I couldn’t get back to myself again but I did and it wasn’t an easy journey. In this article, I explore how to boost your self-esteem after a breakup through my personal experience.
If you are reading this you will probably know how tough breakups are. They don’t just signify the end of a relationship; they often lead to a seismic shift in how we perceive ourselves. Self-esteem, that intrinsic measure of our own worth and capabilities, can take a serious hit an self-acceptance becomes a struggle.
For a good while I could see what a strong connection there was between the breakup and my emotional recovery. Even when I felt ready to put myself out there again the slightest thing would trigger me and get me doubting myself. Getting to a place of self-acceptance and self-esteem was a challenging experience but I knew I had to do it so I could live a better life.
At the core of my bouncing back from the breakup was my acknowledgement of the key components of self-esteem. It was not just about confidence; it was about self-respect, a sense of belonging, and the acknowledgement of my personal value beyond the context of the now-absent partner. Learning that ingrained in the complexities of self-esteem are our deepest beliefs about ourselves–beliefs that are often challenged and obscured in the aftermath of parting ways I had to redefine my values and especially my beliefs about myself for a better recovery.
Understanding the connection between self-esteem and our relationships is crucial. The way we interact with and regard others often reflects how we see ourselves and this was very apparent in my own healing journey. The way I saw myself and treated myself was not helping me in any way, my self-image was next to nothing and I didn’t see myself worthy of anything good.
I blamed myself for not seeing signs or ignoring them but this is where expert guidance comes in handy, my coach was amazing and she helped me unravel several deep-rooted beliefs that were painful to work through but worth the effort. She made me aware that the end of any relationship especially a romantic one poses a significant risk to our self-image, so she encouraged me to emphasize the importance of nurturing my inner narrative to enable a resilient sense of self-worth. This meant learning to prioritize my well-being and healing mentally and physically.
SELF-CARE IS KEY and I don’t just say that as an offhand tip, I mean it as a critical strategy for mitigating the negative self-talk that can catch anyone off guard post-breakup. Reinforcing positive self-perceptions is a battle, one that sets the stage for the healing process ahead.
Dealing with the Emotional Aftermath of a Relationship’s End
A breakup can be an emotionally taxing experience that you find yourself stumbling through. Feelings of loss, confusion, and a dent in self-confidence are common. It’s tempting to rush this grieving period, but it’s critical to allow yourself to feel every emotion. I did it a couple of months after but I learnt the hard way with the harsh reality of not being ready at all in any way, shape or form.
The thought of going through all the emotions was appealing so I tried masking the hurt with social engagements in the name of “putting myself out there” but the smallest thing would trigger me and I would self-sabotage. I had to learn to allow myself the time and space to work through my loss, anger and everything in between. It’s not easy but if you’re going through a breakup or have broken up, sit with your sadness, anger, and even relief, if that’s what surfaces for as long as it takes. We are all different and there is no set time to get through this type of experience. These feelings are valid markers on your road to recovery.
Remeber mental health is your priority following the emotional turmoil of a breakup so consider limiting contact with your ex, as continuous interaction can often complicate your emotional healing. Here the NO CONTACT rule is very important. Focus instead on activities and relationships that enhance your sense of well-being. It could be through connecting with friends, indulging and discovering new hobbies, or simply taking long walks to clear your mind.
While personal initiatives are vital, the role of relationship counselling or a life coach shouldn’t be underestimated, particularly if you find moving on to be a challenge. Professionals can usher you towards understanding the breakup’s impact and guide you in developing coping strategies that foster resilience. One thing to note is relationship counselling isn’t exclusively for couples; it can provide a valuable space for individual growth post-breakup as well.
Practices for Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem
Rebuilding your self-esteem after a breakup is a process that takes time, conscious effort, and patience. My coach encouraged and shared some practical tools and activities that helped me and made a substantial difference in my healing journey. Some of these are what I share in the following points.
Taking Care of Yourself
First, focus on the importance of self-care and yes I keep on mentioning this but it’s so important to take time to cater to your needs. When I learnt that no one can love me or take care of me as I desired that changed everything for me. My self-care became my priority and a vital part of recovering from the emotional setbacks. Self-care not only meant prioritizing my health – both physical and mental but also the environment I found myself in.
My new routine involved prioritizing my exercise routine, adopting a more balanced diet and adequate sleep. With the absence of someone else to consider I limited the times I would sit watching TV and rater increased the times I would settle in with a good book and make sure I had at least 8 hours of sleep. I also upped my mindfulness game and started practising different types of yoga. Slowly I found that I was getting back to being myself again but with more confidence which boosted my mood and improved my self-perception.
Be Your Own Cheerleader
Become your own cheerleader and make positive self-talk your new best friend. Positive self-talk plays a crucial role in rebuilding self-esteem. After a breakup, you might be accustomed to a negative internal dialogue. Not only can it be your own inner critic putting you down but you could also be remembering demeaning words that have been spoken to you or over you. Use your own voice to heal the little “child” in you.
Pay attention to your triggers and your thoughts as these can your healing journey. It’s essential to become aware of these patterns and actively replace them with positive affirmations. Know that without any of the external factors you were born WORTHY not because of anything but just because you are you. Remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and the love that exists in your life from friends and family.
Set New Goals
One other practice is setting new personal goals is a powerful way to regain a sense of purpose and direction. When I got to a point where I could manage it I set a goal to start a business with all the time I now had. I also wanted to do something for myself that I would be proud of after this experience. Please note that your goal need not be monumental; smaller, achievable goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and reinforce your self-worth. Whether it’s learning a new skill, improving your fitness, or committing to personal hobbies, these goals channel your energy into constructive outlets.
Get out of Your Comfort Zone
Embracing personal growth opportunities means stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. I remember my very first solo date was daunting. I made a reservation for 1 and turned up all doled up. I put my phone aside and just concentrated on the food and experience. I was so proud of myself for the fact that I was able to do this for myself and that was brave of me. Every new experience is a potential learning moment that can enhance your self-esteem. Whether it’s going on solo dates, attending workshops, joining social groups, or volunteering, such activities can help you form new connections and realize your value in different contexts.
Encouraging Self-Acceptance and Moving Forward
The journey to self-acceptance following a breakup can be challenging, but it’s essential for healing and regaining a strong sense of self. By recognizing your inherent value and worth, you lay the groundwork for a healthier, happier future.
You may have heard that healing isn’t linear, it certainly isn’t just about moving past pain; it’s about finding the tools to deal with the experience and growing from it. With that in mind creating a nurturing environment is crucial. If possible surround yourself with people who uplift you, engage in activities that make you happy, and fill your life with positivity.
From my experience, new relationships should only come into the picture when you feel whole on your own. It takes time so don’t rush it. The time will come when you’re ready to share your life again. Until then, I’d encourage you to focus on your personal development and building an unshakeable self-esteem because when that is in place you will be able to withstand the triggers. Yes, there will be a lot of them believe me. I have experienced so many occasions where I thought I had healed through something only to find out I hadn’t. Now when I encounter them I have the tools to work through them.
Take Home Message
Breakups as we’ve established can be messy and hard to get through but, remember that post-breakup recovery is a process that prioritizes your mental and emotional well-being. Getting back to the old you or the better version of you won’t be an overnight thing so be patient with yourself.
In this process be compassionate to yourself and acknowledge how far you’ve come when you reflect on events. Know that each step you take is a testament to your resilience. As you take time to care for yourself, you will boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. Your now unwavering self-acceptance will be the foundation upon which you build new and meaningful connections.
Thank you for reading. I hope this has helped if you have any questions or comments kindly share them in the comments.
Love & Light
Sheila Daisy
