Practising self-care as an individual in a relationship isn’t always the easiest especially when there is more than just the two of you involved. However, this needs to be a priority for everyone if they are to thrive and enjoy their relationships.
I’ve noticed and read on many forums how challenging it can be when we want to take time for and nurture ourselves because of responsibilities or feeling guilty for prioritising ourselves. It is interesting though how easily we rush to take care of loved ones when they aren’t well or even give them a hand so they can take some time to rest.
Tuning Into Your Needs
Prioritising my self-care either as a single lady or in a relationship has been crucial for me. It’s helped me be able to show up in situations and relationships as a well-grounded and healthy individual.
Self-care has been about tuning into my needs and taking steps to meet them, which, in turn, makes me a better partner. It might seem selfish but I’ve seen firsthand how my mood softens and my patience grows when I’ve taken time out for myself.
Remembering You Are Part Of The “WE” Entity
In relationships, it’s easy to focus so much on the ‘we’ that you forget the ‘I.’ However, neglecting personal well-being can lead to resentment and burnout. To illustrate this, I recall when I started setting aside time each Sunday for a non-social day and time alone.
It seemed strange that I wouldn’t want to socialise a whole day but I explained that even as an extrovert I did need time alone to recharge. My day will be spent taking things slowly after my quiet time in the morning, I will pick up my journal and reflect over the past week and check in with myself.
My partner soon noticed how much happier and energetic I seemed after the day, and that positivity flowed back into our interactions. It was evidence of how my self-care directly benefits the ‘us’ in the relationship.
Setting Boundaries Is Self-Care
One important aspect of self-care that I quickly learnt was it involves boundary-setting as well. Sometimes, it’s saying no to a late-night movie because you need sleep. I’ve had moments where I’ve had to tell my partner, ‘I need to get to bed early tonight rather than stay up late watching a movie.’
I am an early riser but can also stay up late but when I have failed to listen to my body and stayed up later than needed I’ve had to pay with my mood and energy levels the next day. So, sticking to my decision and maintaining such boundaries helps maintain the health of our relationship because my partner understands and respects my needs.
Beyond Boundary Setting
As much as boundary setting is a big part of taking care of ourselves, our self-care regimen goes beyond saying no or declining offers. Self-care also is really about knowing who we are at the core and how to feed the soul that sits within our body.
I mention this because our self-care needs may look different from everyone else’s but if we are not careful the external pressures of taking care of ourselves may force us to pursue what is trending or mainstream.
Self-care is more about pursuing your own happiness and fulfilment. When we are able to indulge in these personal things, the joy we derive from our own self-care practices then radiates out and touches the relationships we have in a positive light.
Maintaining personal joy and fulfilment leads to another aspect of self-care which is nurturing individual hobbies and interests. This is where I find the true excitement in any relationship – finding delight in personal passions that complement the bond we share with one another.
Creating Space for Individuality
The Solo Activities We Love
I believe there’s something incredibly special about having your own set of hobbies and interests, separate from your partner’s. It’s like having a personal sanctuary where you can be utterly yourself, recharge, and then bring that renewed energy back into your relationship.
It’s noteworthy that it’s not about creating distance, rather it’s about nurturing your individual spark that, in turn, affects the connection you share with your partner.
For example, I have a deep passion for baking. It’s my way of unwinding and expressing myself without words. Though my partner isn’t much of a baker but does enjoy eating the baked goods, seeing the joy and satisfaction baking brings me has encouraged them to pursue their own interests with the same vigour. This pursuit of personal passions brings a refreshing dynamic to our conversations and interactions.
Pursue What Lights Your Soul Up
To back up my point with some evidence, research consistently shows that personal growth is a critical component of satisfied, long-lasting relationships. A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that individuals who actively pursue personal growth experience that it contributes positively to satisfaction in their relationships.
This isn’t surprising when you think about it; growing and nurturing your own interests means you’re constantly bringing new thoughts and energy to the table.
It’s essential that you identify what fuels your fire and dedicate time to it, not just for your happiness, but for the health of your partnership. Your relationship should be a space where personal growth is not just encouraged but celebrated. This approach encourages mutual respect and appreciation, anchoring your bond in a deep understanding of each other as individuals first.
Communication as Self-Care
If asked what the backbone of a strong relationship is, I wouldn’t hesitate to say communication. It’s through talking and listening not just hearing but active listening that you connect with your partner on a deeper level.
But did you know that good communication is a form of self-care, too? By voicing your needs and desires, you’re taking care of your mental and emotional health, which is crucial for a balanced relationship.
Now let’s see a few examples of how you can integrate effective communication into your self-care routine. Begin by reflecting on what matters to you and what you need to feel fulfilled.
Are you craving more quality time with your partner, or perhaps you need some solitude to recharge? Once you identify these needs, it’s all about expressing them respectfully and clearly. Setting aside time to have these conversations is key.
Make Your Needs Known
Here is another personal example of how I have addressed this, I remember my Me-Time Sundays came about when I felt overwhelmed with work and social engagements. My routine was chaotic, and I just needed some alone time to do nothing.
I had this urge to share my feelings with my partner, to tell him that I needed a quiet day now and then. My partner not only understood but also supported my need for self-care. I shared how the busyness was stealing from me and gave him examples of how this manifested in my life and our relationship.
Listening quietly he responded with thanks for sharing this and I think it’s a great idea to take that time for yourself, he understood me because rather than trying to cramp everything in or even being frustrated, I communicated my need, and his response made me feel validated.
Approaching the significance of alone time within a relationship follows naturally from our exploration of communication. While it’s wonderful to have someone who understands and supports you, it’s also important to understand that a healthy relationship allows for personal space.
In the next section, we’ll discuss how to strike a balance between togetherness and the benefits that come from having time just for yourself.
Balancing Togetherness with Alone Time
Solitude Is Indeed Bliss
Every relationship needs a delicate balance of together time and alone time. It’s critical not to lose sight of the fact that both partners in a relationship are individuals with their own needs for personal space, reflection, and self-discovery.
Finding the right balance allows both partners to maintain their identity and independence while nurturing their connection with each other. When I make mention of alone time in a relationship, I’m referring to the moments you intentionally set aside for yourself, away from your partner.
This doesn’t mean you’re unhappy or that you’re trying to create distance. Quite the opposite. It means you’re contributing to a healthier, more resilient partnership by ensuring your own emotional and mental batteries are recharged.
Being Mindful And Respecting Alone Time
Alone time can take many forms. For some, it’s a quiet hour with a book. Others might find solace in a long walk or a solo workout session. Personally, I’ve found that these moments spent by myself not only refresh me but also bring new energy into my interactions with my partner.
Discussing the importance of this private time and reaching an understanding can be a game-changer. However, respect is key. I’ve seen couples set up a ‘do not disturb’ signal when one needs alone time.
Whether it’s a specific room that’s off-limits or a certain time of day, the boundaries are clear and respected by both.
My signal is picking up my pink journal and settling into my favourite corner of the couch. He knows not to come into the lounge and turn the TV on. As harsh as that might seem he’s actually started using that time to also indulge in things he loves, be it a run or a DIY project.
Communicating Your Needs Is Key
Implementing and respecting alone time requires clear communication. It’s about saying, ‘I care about you, and I care about us. And for that reason, I need to care for myself, too.’ It’s not always easy, and it may require some negotiation to find a situation that works for everyone. It might feel awkward at first, but stay with it. The rewards are worth it.
Here’s a story that sticks in my mind about one of my friends: She and her partner had very different ideas of a perfect weekend. My friend enjoyed social gatherings just like myself, and her partner enjoyed a relaxed time at home.
As their tastes were quite different they decided to allocate parts of the weekend to their preferred activities separately. The result? They both shared they were feeling more fulfilled and appreciated in each other’s company, even more, when they were together after their separate activities.
Self-Care Brings Harmony To Relationships
Each relationship is unique, just like the individuals within it. YOUR personal strategy for self-care will look different from mine or your neighbour’s, and that’s perfectly fine.
What’s essential is that you acknowledge and respect your needs, making sure they’re not sidelined. When you step up for your well-being, your relationship is likely to follow suit, becoming more robust and resilient.
Take Home Message
Recognizing the indispensable role of self-care in relationships is crucial. Throughout this article, I’ve shared with you the value of establishing one’s own self-care regime and its profound impact on the health and happiness of partnerships.
I shared how I define boundaries, sparing time for the activities I cherish, communicating honestly, and maintaining a steady balance between togetherness and individual space.
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish, on the contrary, it’s a generous act of self-compassion that equips you to bring the best of yourself to the people you love. If there’s one takeaway from our discussions, let it be this: The harmony between your self-care and your relationships is a vital element of building a nurturing bond that is filled with respect and acceptance of your individuality, and getting the steps right makes all the difference.
If you’re poised to prioritize yourself while nurturing your romantic connection, I’m excited for the journey ahead of you. You can sign up for my newsletter to join our lovely community and receive weekly inspiration, tips and resources.
Finally, empowering your personal growth can take many forms, and perhaps you’re curious about a more tailored approach for your specific needs or are just considering seeking professional guidance. Kindly reach out and let’s have a chat about how we can work on creating your custom self-care blueprint, ensuring that both you and your relationships thrive.
Love & Light
Sheila Daisy
